Many people aren’t even aware that they’re engaging in unhealthy sex. So, this is an important topic to talk about. The healthy and unhealthy sexuality differences are vast but sometimes difficult to notice. That’s why people don’t even know what they’re engaging in until someone points it out.
First, let’s talk about why healthy sexuality is essential. Having a lot of sex obviously benefits you in many ways. Those ways include being satisfied, having orgasms, and general mental and physical benefits. However, engaging in unhealthy sex can do more harm than good. We’re not just talking about potential sexual abuse as we usually know it, but the kind of sexual abuse that is manipulative and goes unnoticed at times.
Healthy sexuality requires trust, patience, love, and vulnerability. Opening up and being raw with somebody is easier said than done. But when you finally find the strength to do it, your overall quality of life can improve. Through healthy sexuality, we can explore ourselves (not just sexually), learn, and grow. Plus, you don’t have to be in an intimate relationship to practice healthy sex. The most important thing is being kind and engaging in healthy sexual acts with yourself first.
Healthy Sexuality Values Respect and Consent
Respect and consent are the basis of healthy sexuality. Many people mistakenly believe that they have the right to their partner’s body, no matter how long they’ve been dating. But just because your partner said yes to a relationship doesn’t mean they’re consenting to sex. Also, accepting sex once doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask the second time. Consent is given but can be revoked at any time, even during intercourse.
On the other hand, respect for your partner is just as important. In fact, people don’t ask for consent because they don’t respect, value, and see their partner as their equal. So, respecting your partner and always asking for consent are two key ideas of healthy sex. Not only will you be engaging in sex on a deeper and more meaningful level this way, but your partner will appreciate it too.
Unhealthy Sexuality Resorts to Violence and Abuse
Now, let’s be clear about one thing. It’s perfectly fine if you enjoy rough sex or you have specific kinks that revolve around any kind of roughness during sex. But keep in mind that when your partner is giving you that roughness, they’re still doing it with respect and your consent. So, you can have rough healthy sex, and that’s not what we’re talking about here. Toxic sexuality usually comes with some kind of violence or abuse. However, that abuse doesn’t need to be just physical. Disrespecting or abusing your trust is also a part of unhealthy sexuality.
People who resort to these actions are usually incredibly selfish and don’t care about anything other than their own pleasure. So, they may do something you didn’t consent to because they think you said yes to everything when you said yes to sex. These are the kind of people you want to stay as far away from because their actions can make you think these kinds of sexual relationships are normal.
Healthy Relationship Gives Importance to Fairness and Negotiation
Having good sex is all about the conversations you have with your partner. You can express your desires, dislikes, or fantasies, and your partner does the same. The most important thing is that you hear each other out and make a few compromises. For example, maybe your partner has certain kinks that they want to explore, so you help them out if you want to, and vice versa.
Additionally, these are the conversations where you set boundaries and rules. Maybe some areas of your body are off-limits, or you never want to try something. It all circles back to mutual respect, especially during negotiations. These are some of the essential healthy sexuality qualities, and it’s wise for you to always keep that in mind. It’s always possible for your partner to forget some rules or be out of line. But what matters is that they don’t snap at you when you remind them of those boundaries.
Unhealthy Relationship Always Objectifies People
When you’re engaging in unhealthy sex with a toxic partner, they won’t care about what you want. Most often than not, you’re just an object to them. So, they use you accordingly, only keeping their satisfaction in mind.
Unfortunately, the chances are that you won’t even get to have conversations about sex in the case of unhealthy sexuality. That’s because your partner will be unapproachable and make conversations seem awkward. That’s wrong because having conversations is healthy, but they don’t want to know about what you want.
So, if you were ever having sex and feeling like your partner is just using you for a quick orgasm, that’s exactly the kind of situation we’re talking about here. To them, you have no feelings, no likes or dislikes — you are just a body they’re attracted to.
Healthy Sexuality Knows Acceptance
Acceptance is an obvious part of healthy sexuality and goes hand-in-hand with respect, consent, and negotiations. First of all, your partner needs to accept you for who you are. If you’re planning to engage in healthy sexuality, it’s imperative to make sure you build a healthy character as an individual first. This is when and how they’ll start respecting you and seeing you as their equal. Accepting, respecting, and knowing consent is what follows.
Lastly, both you and your partner need to be accepting of each other’s boundaries. Setting the boundaries is easy, but your significant other needs not to disregard them. So, we can conclude that acceptance leads to better sex.
Unhealthy Sexuality Is Manipulative
Unfortunately, some people won’t accept you or take no for an answer either. You’ll recognize this part of unhealthy sexuality by the constant guilting, gaslighting, and manipulation. Whenever you decline to do or try something, a toxic partner might try to change your mind about it. They don’t respect or accept your answer, and that’s how you’ll know that you’re not in a good situation.
Not only will they try to manipulate you, but they can also get mad like you’ve done something wrong. Always remember that no matter the type of sexual relationship you’re in, you should always ensure it’s with someone who values you. Manipulation, disregard, and disrespect are bad and can have long-lasting effects on your overall well-being. On the other hand, engaging in healthy sexuality can help you blossom into a better version of yourself.